I was Always Right Here
by AnotherGirlWithAStory
Summary: "Where have you been all my life?" she eventually asked. She felt vibrations go through his body as he laughed; it was a carefree, genuinely happy laughter and she vowed that she too, would to her very best to make sure that he was always happy. "Love, I was always right here."


**Title** : I was Always Right Here

 **Pairing** : Lavender x Seamus, slight mention of Hannah x Susan and Parvati x Dean.

 **Prompts** : "Tears of joy are like the summer rain drops pierced by sunbeams." – Hosen Ballou, & the signs crushing on someone: runs from them (Gemini)

 **Characters** : Lavender Brown, Seamus Finnigan, Dean Thomas, Parvati Patil, Susan Bones & Neville Longbottom

 **Words** : 2, 264

 **AN** : Can be read as a part of _When You Love Someone_.

* * *

Lavender Brown had changed since the war. It was inevitable. Everyone changed after that war. Some just changed more than others. Everyone was left with scars, both emotional and physical; and some with both. Lavender had since long forgotten about the scars that covered a big part of her body. She had accepted that they were a part of her and wore them with pride underneath her clothes. Her physical scars showed people that she had been strong. She had been attacked, she had been wounded, and Lavender Brown had made it out alive. That was nothing to be ashamed of. Quite the opposite.

Her emotional wounds were different altogether. She did not carry those with pride. Most of the time Lavender didn't notice that they were even there. She dated, like all her other friends, and she laughed at jokes that she did not find funny in order to kiss boys that she didn't really like. But she liked kissing. She pushed away her needs to be loved and watched her best friend, and the boy she had fallen for, marry someone else; and then Lavender put a lid on her emotions, thinking that love wasn't for her.

Then he appeared. _He_ was by no means someone new. _He_ was someone that she knew very well. A blast from the past. Also, a very changed man due to having experienced and lived through the horrors of war. When he left, he had been a scarred boy and when he returned he was a man. A man who had lost the boyish smile he was known for and the glimmer of innocence in his eyes. Seamus was hardened by the war. He was more cautious and there was a darkness behind the brightness in his eyes that drew Lavender in even if she did not want to admit it to herself.

He walked up to her on Neville's wedding. He wore a black tuxedo, looking sharp, his hair was short and his body bigger, firmer with more muscles, than it had been when he left nearly two years earlier. Lavender smiled at the sight of him and wrapped her arms around his neck. She could still see the ghosts of the war in his eyes and his movements but something had changed.

"Hello Lavender." He whispered with his heavy accent. "Have you missed me?"

"Yeah," She whispered back. "It's a blast to have you back."

Lavender felt his entire body shake as he laughed. She patted his shoulder and took a step back. They looked at each other the way only people who had gone through too much at an early age did. They did not look much at the exterior, the clothes or the shiny smile they both showed the world, but tried to search for something that would tell them what was important about the other. Something that would tell them how they were really feeling.

Seamus saw the emotional scars that Lavender tried her best to hide. "Where's Neville?"

Lavender saw the way Seamus favoured the right side of the body over his left. "I'll take you to him."

Lavender watched her best friend, and the boy she was in love with, marry someone else and she did it with a smile on her face. Because how could she be anything but happy when the boy she loved had that genuinely happy smile on his face?

Seamus watched Lavender with his head slightly tilted to the right as he gently touched his lips with the tips of his fingers. Every now and again a shadow would lay like a curtain over his eyes and he the smile would fall from his face. Dean sat next to him and would squeeze his shoulder when he noticed that Seamus body had gone tense. Seamus gave him a grateful smile. Parvati sat next to Dean and she only released her grip around his hand to put it on the non-existing bump that Parvati thought could be seen clear as day under the flowy dress. Dean had told her several times, with a shake of his head and a laugh, that it was impossible to spot under all that fabric. But Parvati didn't believe him. She wagged her finger at him and told him with a smug expression: someone was going to notice. It was a question of when and not if. So far, that hadn't happened. So far, Parvati had been proven wrong.

The ceremony ended without any issues. As did the reception and Seamus seemed to be the only one to notice that the reason behind that was Lavender Brown. She moved gracefully between being a guest, the best woman – as Neville called it – and the wedding planner. By the end of the night when the guests were leaving Seamus found her sleeping against one of the walls. And for reasons he could not explain seeing her like that made him feel happy that he was home again.

A few days later Lavender found an owl waiting for her by the window when she walked in after work. It was easy to recognize the style of the scribbling on the paper that said her name. Seamus had never been particularly well-spoken nor was he any good at writing letters. One word was scribbled down.

 _Lunch?_

Lavender gave the owl some time to drink and eat before she scribbled down the answer.

 _Yes!_

Lunch turned into dinner. Dinner turned into drinks. Drinks turned into coffees. Talking was the key of their time spent together. They talked about the war, and in hushed voices they admitted to not having gotten over it, they talked about happiness, and in loud voices proclaimed that they were happy with their lives despite everything that had happened. The more they spoke the more Lavender came to enjoy the sound of Seamus voice. She came to associate him with calm, with content and a warmth that she had never experienced before. He could make her heart beat faster and calm it down. He could make her laugh while tears ran down her cheeks and he could make her cry tears of sadness. During early mornings, lunches and late nights spent together Seamus, with his haunted eyes and cautious behaviour, moved into her heart and when Lavender realised that; she turned and she ran.

She ignored the letters that only said her name and then a question mark. She didn't answer Neville's questions of why she was ignoring Seamus when it was so obvious that he made her happier than she had been in a very long time. Susan came over and told her with a stern voice that she needed to stop this nonsense before she lost someone who really cared about her. Susan had taken Lavender's advice to stop being ridiculous when she first fell in love with Hannah and that had worked out fine. It was now time for Lavender to take Susan's advice. She didn't, she said that she would stop, but she didn't.

She thought about it many times. She sat with a letter every night and thought about what she would write. Lavender was not particularly eloquent but she had never had any problems when it came to communicating with people. Especially not with her friends. But the words never came to her. Every time she tried writing something she stopped after writing his name and cursed herself. She was a grown woman. She was supposed to know how to deal with this. She wasn't supposed to be spooked by emotions and she was definitely not supposed to avoid Seamus.

She didn't expect him to come over. When she heard that knock on the door she had been in the midst of writing another letter and had even managed to write a full sentence even if she knew that she could never send it. She had just written the first thing that came to mind: Tears of joy are like the summer rain drops pierced by sunbeams. If Seamus asked why she'd written that then she wouldn't know how to explain it to him.

Her eyes widened when she opened the door and saw him standing there. His arms were crossed over his chest and he looked straight at her. He didn't look angry nor did he look sad. He was just _there_ right in front of her, asking to be let in without using any words; he didn't need to because Lavender knew.

"I'm sorry I haven't written back to you." She said as he entered the apartment. She watched Seamus approach her desk where most papers lay crumbled; there were almost fourteen of them. One for every day that she had ignored him. She awkwardly scratched her neck. "I've tried as you can see."

Seamus gestured towards the letters and Lavender nodded. "Yeah sure, be my guest."

He picked up a letter. His hands trembled slightly and when he began reading his voice croaked. Seamus stopped and coughed before continuing with a steadier voice but still sounding hoarse. "Seamus…" he laughed but didn't sound happy. "That was very informative Lavender. I think that's my favorite."

Lavender rolled her eyes. "I've thirteen that looks exactly like it. There's only one letter that has something that resembles the beginning of an actual letter."

"What does it say?"

Lavender laughed. "Tears of joy are like the summer rain drops pierced by sunbeams. That's also very informative." She took several deep breaths as she watched Seamus lean against her desk with his arms crossed in front of his chest. "Aren't you going to confront me? Ask me why I've been avoiding you?"

Seamus shook his head. "That's an aggressive approach." He acknowledged. "I was going for a calmer one that didn't involve me bribing you or trying to guilt you into telling me something you don't want."

"What if you can't convince me to tell you?"

Seamus shrugged. "Then at least I've seen you." Lavender didn't feel self-conscious when he looked at her. It didn't matter that her hair was pushed back into a messy ponytail and she wore leggings and an oversized hoodie. "You look very nice."

Lavender didn't know if it was the kindness in his voice or the way he looked at her. But she started crying. Seamus watched her without moving as she opened and closed her mouth over and over again.

"I am so sorry for avoiding you, Seamus." She said in between sobs. "I was just so afraid. I don't know why but as soon as I started wanting to be more than your friend I just became paralyzed with fear and as much as I loved spending time with you; I also felt this dread every time I thought about writing you a letter or going over to your flat."

Seamus smiled, not the kind of smile that you gave people who didn't know better or who had done something dumb, and Lavender felt her heart go lighter at the sight. He stood up straight but didn't approach her. "It's okay to be afraid Lavender. I'm bloody terrified about this – the possibility of you and me – because all I can think about is what if something was to happen? What if something happens to you and I lose you, what if something happens to me? I've lost people before – as have you – and there is nothing I want to avoid more than that. For both of us. Because it hurts so much and no one gets over that kind of pain, _ever_. I don't want to be the reason that you go through that again."

Lavender nodded. That was all she could do.

"But I also know that I am going to regret not being with you." Seamus said in the next moment. "You can tell me no if you want to; if you don't want me then I'll leave and we'll forget this ever happened. But if you do want me, if you want to be with me, then I can guarantee you that it'll be worth it. It'll be scary and we won't always get along and sometimes we may even ask ourselves why we decided to do this. But it's also going to amazing and I promise that if you give me the chance I'll do my very best to make you happy."

Lavender felt a smile appear on her face in spite of the tears. She had been wrong about him. He was very eloquent after all. "Seamus?" She was still afraid. That hadn't changed. But when he stood there, when he looked at her like that, a spark of bravery made her want to not listen to the fear. And that was, if nothing else, a step in the right direction.

One word, a breathy answer belonging to an uncertain man who had just done the bravest thing Lavender had seen in many years. "Yes?"

"Can you hug me?"

Seamus didn't answer. The smile told Lavender that he understood. He crossed the room with a few quick steps, wrapped his arms around her waist and pushed her as close to her body as he humanly could. Lavender felt him smiling as she nuzzled into the crock of his neck and took several deep breaths.

"Where have you been all my life?" she eventually asked.

She felt vibrations go through his body as he laughed; it was a carefree, genuinely happy laughter and she vowed that she too, would to her very best to make sure that he was always happy. "Love, I was always right here."

 **The end**


End file.
